Garden: I really want to plant a vegetable garden. Actually, I want to do this: Produce all the food you need on just a quarter acre!

I’m pretty sure I had a lot more reasons than this when I first wanted to post on this topic, that’s what I get for being a slacker.

This year has not been great to say the least. I remember this time last year hoping that 2008 would be better; I was shown it could be worse. The last four months have been some of the worst/hardest of my life but I know some events have been harder for the others involved, like the recent death of my cousin. I’m glad for the time we got to spend getting to know him over last year since his accident, but I wish it would have been more.

I haven’t posted often in the past four months, it’s not that nothing has happened, that’s for sure, just nothing I want to talk about here. I try to make this site positive, focusing on the things that “keep me from sinking,” so I try not to dwell on negative things or complain too much, but sometimes it seems like that’s all there is and that’s when my posting slacks off.

I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things and pray that an upswing will evolve.

This is the post I’ve been putting off (well, really I’ve been putting a lot of things off lately), it’s hard to talk about, and it’s not a fun topic that’s for sure. I’m sure some of you that have been following this blog are curious though and I know there are at least a few of you who really do care and I appreciate that. So while this isn’t something I feel like talking about, I’m posting it because I need your support and your prayers. And who knows, maybe one day this can serve as a story of encouragement for someone in a similar situation.

Two weeks ago, I had to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy, not something you ever want to do, especially a week before moving 7 hours away from your family for college. The doctor tells me I have Crohn’s disease. I knew they were going to find something wrong, because I’ve known something was wrong for a while, but it’s still very depressing to know that this is something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life and that pretty much right off the bat I’m on my own to deal with it because of leaving for school. It also makes this time of transition even more of one.

The meds I’m taking have the scariest possible side effects of anything I’ve ever taken. Thankfully, I’ve had no real problems so far and taking four horse pills with lunch and supper does get easier. Though figuring out the logistics for me, food, and meds to be in the same place at the same time can get difficult. They do seem to be helping though, so who knows, I could get lucky be blessed and be in remission for years.

I’ve been stressing out a lot lately, as in more than usual. I’m just really worried about going off to school, getting an apartment, furniture, a job, that sort of stuff. I’ve lived away from home before, but there was always someone else who was responsible for the basic necessities, now I’ll be responsible for those things myself. Not to say I’ll be completely on my own though, I will have a roommate, which is some relief, and in the “pro” list of going to USF over UF.

My mom doesn’t want me to take my bedroom furniture, which at first I was upset about (even though I didn’t say anything), I mean it’s my furniture. Now that I think about it though, it’s best to leave my nice furniture here and not have to take the risk of it getting messed up. It’s the furniture that I want to have when I make a more permanent move, so I’ll get some other furniture to go with me over the next 2 years.

The 2 years is another thing that gets to me. 2 more years of school, I just feel old, and I feel like most people that for a 4 year degree are done by my age. It’s just another one of those things where 10 years ago I thought I would be at a completely different stage of life now. I think back just 3 years ago and remember telling a co-worker how I really just wanted to be a housewife and a mom. I still wouldn’t turn that life down, but I would do it with some freelance writing work on the side; I couldn’t give up writing.

For a while I’ve been wanting an older manual focus SLR, a Minolta more specifically. So a couple Saturdays ago my mom and I went downtown to an antique store, I wanted to look for a camera and she had just never been to an antique store before (weird I know).

They actually did have a Minolta SLR, but it wasn’t the model I wanted the most and they were asking way too much for it. They also had a Canon SLR, an AE-1, but they wanted $174 for it! Later my mom says, “You know your dad has an old camera like that, a Canon, I think it’s in my bedroom.” Um, okay.

She gets it out and yeah, it’s an AE-1. I actually remember playing with it when I was little, come to think of it. I’ve been interested in photography for as long as I can remember, I even read books on photography in elementary school (I still am quite strange, thank you).

The best thing though it that the camera still had an old roll of film in it, which I’m going to pick up now.